i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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