listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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