A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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