Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
