I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize