Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
