I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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