put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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