Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize