Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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