you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
