he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
