I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
