Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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