Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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