I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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