we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
