She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
