Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
