puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
