and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
