I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
