You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
