1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
