Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
