In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize