It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
God, I missed his penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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