The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
