Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You did what with his pubic hair?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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