and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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