i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
