This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
