Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize