i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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