Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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