dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
