woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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