Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
