He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
