My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my poor anus
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had to cum in my sink.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
