the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
