It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
