a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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