So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
