Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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