Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
