I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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