so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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