K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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