Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
