THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
