clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
