do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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