He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
