Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
