she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
