you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
