dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
