Me. At least after what I've been through.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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