So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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