i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
