Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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