I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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