i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
