Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
