I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
