We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
