yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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