I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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