I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
